Crappy News and Really Crappy News

My boyfriend woke me up at 6:32am today with the false lure of “good and bad” news. We had both originally thought/hoped/assumed/wished that his deployment would be over by some point this November. Just his personally. He has orders to start with his new ship before his current ship returns. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that before, apologies for any redundancy. We had an idea to meet in Hawaii, which in my last blog was basically demolished and now…insert really offbeat drumroll…HE WON’T EVEN BE BACK IN NOVEMBER!! His “bad” news is that due to budget restrictions the soonest he would be back now is some point in December, and at the latest January. Yeah, that’s right JANUARY. As in next year, as in 2018, as in too motherfucking long. 

Want to know the “good” news? The good news is that the bad news is official. Those are his official orders! Yay. Not! 

This was so unexpected that the first ten or so minutes after he told me, I just lay in my bed looking up at the ceiling going, “Well, what the fuck.” I knew that yes, there was the chance of him not getting to come back exactly in November, but damn, January? After I had just celebrated the now mistaken fact that I thought his deployment was already halfway over and now suddenly it’s not. 

I repressed my emotions enough to shower and get ready for work and decided to be all up in my feelings on my drive to work and put on the Lana Del Rey station on Pandora. If anyone knows the San Diego area I bawled my eyes out like a heroine in a Korean drama from Pacific Beach to Carmel Valley this morning. 

I’m so disappointed and frustrated. This news, following the increasingly frustating steps it’s going to take for me to transfer and get my goddamn degree is weighing me down. Yes, I know it could be worse and he could be deployed in a combat zone, and that other milsos do this while raising kids on their own, but that doesn’t make my  heart ache any less. 

The solitary, miniscule upside is that they are in port for the next few days and we’ll have a chance to talk on the phone again soon. 

3 Months Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the halfway point of my boyfriend’s deployment! A little sorta bad news before my happy news. Before he deployed my boyfriend and I talked about meeting each other in Hawaii at the end of his deployment. What happens is that most of the ships stop off in Hawaii for about a week or so and the sailors have the option to come back to San Diego on the ship and have a family member join them as part o f what they call the “Tiger Cruise” (no idea why it’s called that) or fly back on their own accord.

Since my boyfriend ADOOOORES Hawaii (he was stationed there for four years and has brainwashed himself into thinking it’s the best place in the world) and I wouldn’t mind a weeklong vacay on the beach after being separated for half a year we made an incredibly tentative plan to meet in Hawaii upon his return. Sadly, that is not looking like a possibility anymore. I had asked him on Gchat if I should start looking around for flight deals and he said what’s more likely to happen is that they’ll just fly him back to San Diego instead. Cue sad trombone. 

Buuut my happy news is that last week we actually got to talk to each other on the phone! They were in Abu Dhabi for a few days and on one of his many trips to the mall he bought a ridiculously overpriced international phone plan and for a glorious 17 minutes I got to hear his voice :dreamy sigh:. That phone call has been the only time, other than our brief video chat before they left Hawaii at the start of deployment that he and I have gotten to speak with each other. 

I miss him, a lot, more than I originally thought I would. 

Resentment Building

Finally texting with my boyfriend after over a week of no communication! It’s 1:03am here right now in San Diego and as usual, I’m too excited to try and sleep. They’re finally off the ship after 39 consecutive days at sea, ouch! I’m glad that I’m getting to talk to him. He’s just purchased an outrageously overpriced international phone and we shall attempt wifi enabled calling sometime in the next two days. I have a group of friend’s in town for our mutual friend Shirley’s bachelorette party so the actuality of us having time to talk is iffy. 

I’ve come to well and truly dislike that I can’t have a continuous conversation with my boyfriend. There’s so much that happens in my day, week, life in general that I don’t bother telling him about because 1. He most likely won’t be able to read it until days after it happened, 2. He’ll have no idea what or whom I’m talking about and 3. He doesn’t care/I know he can’t do anything to help me. 

I wanted to tell him all about the drunken fuck storm that was Opening Day at the restaurant (Opening Day refers to the start of the horse race season at the track by the restaurant). I wanted to tell him about the apartment hunting I’ve been doing and the endless emails. I wanted to tell him I’m going to buy a new bed and that I’ve consolidated three credit cards and want to find a new airlines to start earning frequent flier miles with (since I hear nothing good about the Virgin America/Alaska Airlines merge). I wanted to tell him gossip with my family and friends and co-workers. I want to tell him everyday that I miss him FAR MORE than I thought I would. 

I know it’s not his fault. I know he can’t control when he’s able to talk. But I still hate it. I hate that I have to wait for him to initiate our conversations. I hate that I haven’t seen his face or heard his voice in almost three months. I hate that when we do get to talk it’s usually past midnight my time. I hate that even when I’m bleary eyed and only semi conscious that I am COMPELLED to reply to him because I don’t know when I’ll get to again. I hate that I have no control. 

What I really hate is that it’s just barely halfway over. Then we get to do it all over again next summer with his new ship. 

All Work and No Play

The next two months are going to be busy, workwise. The restaurant is going through a downturn currently. We had one hostess quit already and another one whose last week is this week. We lost a busser, one server and will lose a bartender soon. If anyone reading this is in the San Diego area and had restaurant experience, I might have some leads for you!

We’re also going to lose one hostess at the end of August when she goes back to college in Virginia and another one to NYU in mid-September. All this means is…work work work. The last two weeks I’ve been doing double duty and going straight from work with my nanny family to work at the restaurant. I don’t mind, yet, I can always use the extra hours. 

Today also happens to be opening day for the horse racetrack around the corner from the restaurant. I have no idea what that means other than tonight we’re going to be hella busy. 

No new and/or exciting news with the boyfriend. Got into a minor disagreement with him over the efficacy of The Dailey Method. Has anyone seen that meme that says something along the lines of: When you’re self-aware enough to know you’re overreacting, but can’t stop yourself?” That was me. 

Next weekend I will get to play. My friend Shirley (and her friends who I’m more really aquaintances with/rest of the bridal party) will be here for her bachelorette party!

I hope everyone’s been having a more interesting July than me. 

2 Months Down

Today is officially two months since my boyfriend deployed! I’ll be really cliche and say that time has both gone by so quickly and dragged on at the same time. Like I’m surprised, “Wow two months already!” And disappointed, “Just two months.” Since he left. Working two jobs definitely has helped pass the time.

My nanny kids are both taking swim “lessons”. I put lessons in quotation marks since the baby is 2 years old and it’s a parent&me class [in which I stand in as the parent] and more of a glorified splash session than learning to stay afloat or propel themselves in the water. It’s pretty adorable. And reminds me how much I love swimming and how bummed I am that I don’t have access to a pool! Ooh well.

In the two months that my boyfriend’s been deployed I’ve develop a deep aversion to seeing other couples being affectionate in public. I officially miss having sex, now. I’m not necessarily horny, it’s more I miss being touched and hugged and petted and kissed. Other than that and not having any control of how often we get to talk to each other, it’s not so bad. 

Tomorrow I’ll be on my way up to LA to meet up with one of my best friends, Jasmine for the Blondie/Garbage concert at the Hollywood Bowl! So excite! I’ll try to remember to take pictures. I’m on the table now to get my legs waxed, then off to a friend’s pool party and work this evening. 

Enjoy your weekends!

Hostess Rant

I started hostessing extremely recently, in mid-March. I was leaving my nanny family in Chula Vista and was starting my search for a new second job. I searched Care.com to find another potential family I could work with two days out of the week. I also looked on craigslist for restaurant/hospitality jobs since working the weekends would open up my potential to make more money and with my boyfriend deploying, working weekends wouldn’t be an issue. I randomly applied to the restaurant I work now and started training less than a week after I dropped off my application. 

I like the job, it’s fun and a welcome change of responsibility and scenery after being with children from infancy to five years old for the past five years. 97% of the time everything is going well, my co-workers (namely the servers, but also the bussers, bartenders and food runners) and I help each other out, I can and am left alone to seat guests often and the guests themselves are polite and don’t require anything from me other than a menu and to know where the bathroom is. 

Tonight I had one of those 3% exceptions. I will admit I was partly at fault. I was seating a walk in (meaning no reservation) two people, a couple and showed them to their table. They saw another table (this one right by the edge of our balcony and directly in front of their table) and asked to sit there instead. I said it would be fine and gave them their menus. I go back inside and my manager tells me he was saving that table for a reservation we had coming in soon for an anniversary. I go back out to the table I just sat and explain the situation, and before I can even finishing saying, “switch tables,” the “gentleman” cuts me off,

“We’re already sitting down. And we’re ready to order. They can just sit at that other table…” 

I didn’t hear the rest of what he had to say as I walked away, FUMING. He was such an entitled, arrogant dickbag that my manager saw how clearly upset I was and sat the next two parties when I came back and let me answer phones. A middle aged man, basically acting like a spoiled child, “Finders keepers!”.

Ooh my god it just pissed me off so bad. I’m aware I don’t have a particularly glamorous or prestigious job title and I am fine with that. But when I am obligated to be professional and polite to someone who clearly doesn’t believe I deserve to have that reciprocated is flat out insulting.

:le sigh: I’m better now.

Riding The High

I got to talk to my boyfriend for a continuous hour and a half yesterday!! Though by talk I mean Gchat messages since he was sneaking away to use the computer while he had watch. He’s off the “duct tape division” which he had been assigned to since before they deployed and back in radio which he claims will give him more time and access to the computer.

The first ten minutes of our conversation I tried not to get too excited since I never know how long we’ll have to talk, but it was the best feeling yesterday. I ended up getting called off from the restaurant which I just realized now worked out well since I would’ve had to have cut my conversation short with my boyfriend yesterday. I also realize how much of a thrill, a little micro surge of adrenaline I get from hearing my Google Hangouts notification go off with a message from him. 

It made my day โ˜บ๏ธ. And I went to go watch Wonder Woman again in theatres. YES, it’s that good to go see twice. 

My friend Rachael had her birthday pool party on Saturday which a few hours into it turned into a topless pool party, ๐Ÿ‘™๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐Ÿˆ๐Ÿˆ!! I bought a pool float for the occasion and now face the dilemma of how to blow it up for any subsesquent use. 

It felt good to socialize and to remind myself that I do have a life aside from working and exercising. My Groupon with The Dailey Method expires on July 1st and I bought a new two month unlimited Groupon for this fancy pants yoga studio by my house. My boyfriend says he notices a difference from my newfound “fitness plan”, mainly in my stomach and butt โ˜บ๏ธโ˜บ๏ธ. I don’t believe him since I don’t notice much of a difference at all, but I hear that’s common with most people when they start to work out, you see yourself everyday so it’s harder to notice the changes. 

I’m happy today and it feels good.

Dislike Deployment pt. 2

The reality and frustration of my boyfriend being gone has finally set in. What tipped it for me has been the lack and inconsistency of communication. Some weeks we get to text a few days consecutively and sort of catch up with each other. The majority of the time it’s been me texting him a funny meme or a random thought and him replying to me days later. There is no rapport or flow of conversation. I miss his voice. I miss his face. I miss dragging him with me to new restaurants I want to check out and he begrudingly agrees. 

I’ve started to follow a few other military girlfriend blogs on here that I’ll start reading their posts soon. I know that I’m not alone in trying to survive his deployment, but I’ve always been quite skilled at excluding myself. In my casual browsing here and on Instagram I already know that I have little in common with most other milsos. I’m from a big, liberal city and am not patriotic. I’m foreign born and a minority. My boyfriend and I met each other when we were both older than when it seems most military couples meet each other. My boyfriend isn’t patriotic himself and doesn’t make any efforts to publicize the fact that he’s in the Navy. He and I don’t live together, didn’t rush into our relationship nor have we made any plans for our future yet. 

I know that’s where part of my feeling of otherness comes from; the uncertainty of whether or not we’re going to have a future, the very tentative nature that our relationship has become. We’re still a relatively new couple and the military lifestyle is still completely foreign to me. As “just a girlfriend” I have no rights or benefits. No healthcare or access to the commissary or base privileges. If anything major goes wrong and happens to him, his emergency contacts are his parents. 

In seventeen days he’ll have been gone for two months. It feels like so much longer already.

Happy Loving Day!!

A little background story on me, that I don’t tell almost anyone. 

On this day, June 12th, 2012 I got married. I don’t want to go into detail, I did it to try and help the boyfriend I had at the time and it rapidly unraveled into the biggest among the few regrets I have. But, I had picked this date for a specific reason. At the time I was taking a psychology class and in my reading I found out that June 12th was the day that the ban on interracial marriage in America was finally over turned for all states. All thanks in part to the courageous couple of Richard and Mildred Loving. 

I have always dated interracially. I’m Filipino. I’ve had boyfriends and dated men who are white, Mexican, Salvadoran, and mixed with all sorts of other ethnicities. I know I’m lucky to have grown up in my diverse Bay Area bubble where interracial couples and mixed children were not judged or uncommon. Today is the 50th, the golden anniversary of when the Lovings won their court case against the state of Virginia. Thank you, Lovings, may you rest in peace with the legacy you’ve left behind. 

On a slightly related note, I’ve finally found the song that makes me instantly think of my boyfriend, “our” song I suppose, though I have yet to tell him so. It’s “Beyond The Sea” by Bobby Caldwell, though I much prefer the Kevin Spacey cover. A little cliche given the fact that he’s in the Navy, but exactly why I think it’s so fitting. One month into his deployment and now I miss him. Not terribly, mostly the physical comfort of him. Curling up in bed together on weekends, laying my leg on top of his when we read next to each other in bed, holding hands when we’re in the car.

They were in Singapore and had that cut short. I’ll wait till they leave where they are now before updating on him. I do wish he’d understand the concept of TIME ZONES though and realize he’s texting me usually in the inconvenient time from midnight to 5am. It was nice getting to talk to him for two days in a row though. Text only, his wifi wasn’t good enough for audio or video.

Here’s to Loving Day ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™ (my favorite color is purple, his is blue) ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿซ๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿป(I used to be a preschool teacher and I do wear glasses, I know he’s not a police officer, or allowed to have a mustache, but it was the closest to his uniform in the emojis).

One Month in Four Days

I officially don’t like deployment. Not that I ever actually liked having my boyfriend thousands of miles, oceans, continents and time zones away, but now it’s official. Save for their brief stop in Hawaii, they’ve been out at sea this entire time so we’ve only been able to talk once a week in short five minute bursts that usually end with him dashing off to go back to work. 

They’ve pulled into port now so fingers crossed we get to video chat in the next few days because I miss his face. I miss a lot of things, but I’ll settle for getting to see him again. He has duty tomorrow/later today since he’s fifteen hours ahead of me right now and he’ll be getting up for work soon. 

Now I have to go inside to my Dailey Method class. I bought a Groupon for one month unlimited + bonus week and this is my second week attending class. I really like it so far! Challenging without being hard and I always leave feeling sore.

I hope all seven of you enjoy your Sundays or Mondays wherever you are!