The reality and frustration of my boyfriend being gone has finally set in. What tipped it for me has been the lack and inconsistency of communication. Some weeks we get to text a few days consecutively and sort of catch up with each other. The majority of the time it’s been me texting him a funny meme or a random thought and him replying to me days later. There is no rapport or flow of conversation. I miss his voice. I miss his face. I miss dragging him with me to new restaurants I want to check out and he begrudingly agrees.
I’ve started to follow a few other military girlfriend blogs on here that I’ll start reading their posts soon. I know that I’m not alone in trying to survive his deployment, but I’ve always been quite skilled at excluding myself. In my casual browsing here and on Instagram I already know that I have little in common with most other milsos. I’m from a big, liberal city and am not patriotic. I’m foreign born and a minority. My boyfriend and I met each other when we were both older than when it seems most military couples meet each other. My boyfriend isn’t patriotic himself and doesn’t make any efforts to publicize the fact that he’s in the Navy. He and I don’t live together, didn’t rush into our relationship nor have we made any plans for our future yet.
I know that’s where part of my feeling of otherness comes from; the uncertainty of whether or not we’re going to have a future, the very tentative nature that our relationship has become. We’re still a relatively new couple and the military lifestyle is still completely foreign to me. As “just a girlfriend” I have no rights or benefits. No healthcare or access to the commissary or base privileges. If anything major goes wrong and happens to him, his emergency contacts are his parents.
In seventeen days he’ll have been gone for two months. It feels like so much longer already.