My boyfriend deploys tomorrow.
If nothing changes and the US doesn’t initiate World War III he’ll be back by the end of the year. I’m dropping him off tomorrow morning at 6:30am. His ship doesn’t leave till later in the afternoon and there’s the Manning The Rails ceremony for when the ship actually does leave that I can technically attend…but nah. I’ve taken two weeks off work already to go to Missouri and back to San Francisco with him (future posts to follow about that whirlwind) and can’t/don’t want to take anymore time off work. My boyfriend also says that Manning the Rails is incredibly slow and boring and that there is the distinct possibility that he either won’t be able to leave the radio department (his department) or if he does, there’s no guarantee that I’d even be able to see where they position him from the dock.
I’ve been asked multiple times how I feel about him leaving, what I’ll do with myself while he’s gone and another similar inquiries.
Short answer is: I don’t know. This is all brand new territory for me. I’ve never seriously dated anyone in the military nor done long distance before. I don’t know what to expect or how I’m going to feel. I know what I’m going to do: work work work, two jobs and make that money. The anxiety that I’ve had this whole time counting down to these last few hours is finally here and I’m…indifferent. It feels like he’s going on a long work trip, which I guess it kinda is. He keeps saying seven months to everyone and yes, cognitively I know seven months, that means December but…
I’m not overwhelming sad or upset or distraught about not being physically with him for the next seven months. I know that I’m going to miss him. I know that we’ll still be able to communicate with each other, however irregularly.
I feel like I’m waiting to feel some grandiose outpouring of emotions and I have nothing.