Well greetings! I live! I know I’ve been the absolute worst at even half assedly maintaining this blog. My boyfriend got back from deployment and since him being away was the main inspiration behind this, I didn’t really have much of a reason to update.
So, life. I finished my much loathed prerequisite philosophy class (a month early, by the wizzle, yay for online classes!) and started my degree completion program in mid-May! I’m a month away from the end of my first quarter and so far, not so scary. The amount of work and reading the first few weeks was intense and overwhelming, but I’ve settled into a routine of sorts and feel good about finally taking the last few steps to getting my stupid Bachelor’s degree.
My boyfriend and I were in Miami, Key West and Missouri last month, visiting my friends and his family, respectively. It feels so weird to type that, that we were just on vacation together a month ago. Miami is ratchet, definitely something I would’ve enjoyed much more in my young and dumb 20s. Key West is cute, my boyfriend summed it up quite accurately, “It’s like a redneck Hawaii.” Missouri was mildly acceptable. We stayed with his sister and luckily her house is in a recently built housing development and has air conditioning which was probably the second best part of being in Missouri. The first was getting to spend the day out on the lake and go tubing for the first time!
Now, to the real reason as to why I’ve resurrected, or at least put on life support this poor, dying diary; my boyfriend deployed again. It’s been a few days and already this deployment is feeling worse than the first one.
- I stayed for Manning the Rails. STUUUUUUUPID idea. One of the worst ideas I’ve ever had. I didn’t go last year so I thought I’d be a good, dutiful Navy girlfriend and go this time. Awful. First, we rushed to get back to base because my boyfriend was told that he needed to be back on the ship at a certain time, DESPITE THE FACT that the ship wouldn’t be leaving port for a solid three hours. So, time that we could have spent together was instead wasted standing around on the pier, waiting/hoping for my boyfriend to change into his Cracker Jack uniform and come back down be with me a little longer. Spoiler alert – he did not. Which means I got to spend the follow two hours on a pier with tearfully embracing spouses and children. And every time someone started sniffling or bawling I would too. I spent the walk back to my car sobbing. I couldn’t even attempt to contain the sounds escaping me, this consuming feeling of, “FUCK I HATE THIS, WHHHYYYY?!?”
- I’m hardcore salty about the fact that as “just a girlfriend” my relationship to my boyfriend is not even bothered to be acknowledged. Every single other woman on his ship’s Family Readiness Group, facebook page is a wife. With kids. There’s the occasional parent of a young sailor, the even rarer husband, but otherwise all young (and I mean YOUNG, 24 WOULD BE CONSIDERED OLD) stay at home moms. I can’t even be my boyfriend’s emergency contact because I’m not his wife or a blood relative. It’s his parents. In rural ass Missouri. Hours away from being able to get to a large, international airport in order to get to their son, should he become drastically hurt or injured. I have to hope that his dad can program my number into his FLIP PHONE and remember to call me in case of the unfortunate. I am so heavily marinated in my feelings right now. As I told my boyfriend, “WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED FOR NOT RUINING OUR LIVES FOR RUSHING INTO A MARRIAGE THAT WILL ULTIMATELY END IN DIVORCE?!”
I’ve lost track of what I even came back on here for. I started watching a stand up comedy special on Netflix, W. Kamau Bell and he’s pretty hilarious. It helps that he’s making jokes about life in Berkeley and I’m all too familiar with the hilarity of Berkeley.
I shall return.