My boyfriend woke me up at 6:32am today with the false lure of “good and bad” news. We had both originally thought/hoped/assumed/wished that his deployment would be over by some point this November. Just his personally. He has orders to start with his new ship before his current ship returns. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that before, apologies for any redundancy. We had an idea to meet in Hawaii, which in my last blog was basically demolished and now…insert really offbeat drumroll…HE WON’T EVEN BE BACK IN NOVEMBER!! His “bad” news is that due to budget restrictions the soonest he would be back now is some point in December, and at the latest January. Yeah, that’s right JANUARY. As in next year, as in 2018, as in too motherfucking long.
Want to know the “good” news? The good news is that the bad news is official. Those are his official orders! Yay. Not!
This was so unexpected that the first ten or so minutes after he told me, I just lay in my bed looking up at the ceiling going, “Well, what the fuck.” I knew that yes, there was the chance of him not getting to come back exactly in November, but damn, January? After I had just celebrated the now mistaken fact that I thought his deployment was already halfway over and now suddenly it’s not.
I repressed my emotions enough to shower and get ready for work and decided to be all up in my feelings on my drive to work and put on the Lana Del Rey station on Pandora. If anyone knows the San Diego area I bawled my eyes out like a heroine in a Korean drama from Pacific Beach to Carmel Valley this morning.
I’m so disappointed and frustrated. This news, following the increasingly frustating steps it’s going to take for me to transfer and get my goddamn degree is weighing me down. Yes, I know it could be worse and he could be deployed in a combat zone, and that other milsos do this while raising kids on their own, but that doesn’t make my heart ache any less.
The solitary, miniscule upside is that they are in port for the next few days and we’ll have a chance to talk on the phone again soon.